Someone on the NaNoWriMo board suggested "stream of consciousness" writing as a warm-up exercise. I thought I'd give it a shot, so while I was sitting at lunch today, here's what I came up with. Fair warning, though, it's not all sunshine and roses.
*Sydney - I feel bad for abandoning her - guilt? Makes me feel like a bad person. And of course, as always, I fear if I'm not a good "dog-mommy" I won't be a good real mommy. I always feared I would be a bad mother, which is one BIG reason I never wanted kids. All of that changed when I met Jeremy.
*So kind, so sweet, and I love watching him play with Cheyenne. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life making him happy. Nurturing each other and nurturing our children.
*Savannah Dai, if we had a little girl. Now I may not get my baby girl. But I will have my Savannah Dai. She will be the female main character of my NaNoWriMo novel.
*It doesn't have a name yet, but Savannah Dai's novel is part chick lit, part memoir. It's the story of a girl who loses everything - her job, her money, her love - and has to find out who she really is.
*I'm excited and terrified to take Savannah Dai on this journey to find herself. I'm heartbroken that I have to take this journey myself. I heard some good advice from a bar guest on Sunday, but it's so hard to take. He said that I should pray at the end of a relationship. Pray and say "thank you."
*Take what I've learned from it, and thank you that now I can move on to other things. It makes sense, but at the same time, it's the hardest, stupidest advice I've been given.
*I don't *want* to move on. I don't *want* to cry every day. To feel my heart break a little more every time he crosses my mind.
*I'm not a girl who *needs* a man to feel complete. But I *like* being around him. I *like* having him in my life. No one has ever made me feel so beautiful, sexy, and special.
*I know eventually I will have to dig deeper to resolve these feelings and move on. Especially as Savannah Dai begins to develop and I start to flesh out her story. I just don't feel like I can do it right now, today.
Word Count: 415
- What is a PRG?? PRG is something someone started calling me long ago - almost in another lifetime. It stands for "Puerto Rican Goddess." Most days lately, I just feel like a Pretty Regular Girl. So this blog will journal my days as a PRG. Some days that will mean my adventures as a Puerto Rican Goddess; other days I'll just be a Pretty Regular Girl. I hope you can find entertainment in both.